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Alternatively, this commander could go into the artifact category and be paired with something like Clan Crafter to act as a value engine, but nonetheless it isnt doing much else

First, the "villainous choice" effect actually allows your opponents to choose impossible actions

You can only tap a creature when you need to attack, activate its ability, or pay a specific cost

In green, if you cant afford the Craterhoof, you can afford End-Raze Forerunners

We still got our slice of roll, but were grounded for the evening otherwise

Even with that keyword, Pearl Lake Ancient isnt the most imposing threat in the multiverse, especially when you factor in paying 7 mana for it