The most expensive version is the Japanese-exclusive planeswalker event promo, with a market price of $267 on TCGplayer
Haunted One Haunted One is great for typal decks to bulk creatures up and give them undying as long as they share a creature type
Chaos theme includes Averna, enabling land ramp with Cascade mechanic, using Chromatic Lantern for mana fixing
There is no universe where the Magic media can criticize its own workers since that would not be good for ratings, selling products or viewership
All of this begs the question: is it even possible for a Modern-legal card to fit these criteria
Then as long as you have 30 or more life, the dork gets indestructible to remove much removal interaction, only exiling mass removal or targeted non-destruction removal can get past this, and then it's +5/+5 size and then all damage to it is prevented